12 Things Relationships Have Taught Me

• You cannot be upset with someone for putting you in the “friend zone”. Just because you’ve been nice to someone does not mean that you are entitled to them. You don’t get rewarded simply because you’re nice. That’s how you’re supposed to be. To everyone. There’s no cookie or gold star for that. Do you fall in love with every person that is sweet to you? Do you see how expecting someone to fall in love with you simply because you’ve been perfectly kind to them sounds a little…crazy?
• Enough with the “time” nonsense. Maybe Stacy and Brad dated for 5 months before moving in together. Maybe Taylor and Tyana got engaged after a year while you and your person haven’t talked about that yet after a year and a half. Why are you sooo worried about what everyone else is doing? Would you be this worried if you didn’t know the timelines of everyone else’s love life? Maybe everyone thinks you’re moving too slow or too fast. Perhaps your weird internal clock is telling you that it is time to meet the friends or family. Tell your clock to hush and go at the pace that is consistent with where you and your partner are. This is not a competition.
• Men and women do not think the same. Men and women do not think the same. Men and women do not think the same. Assuming that because you are logical that your partner will think the same “logical” things as you is dangerous. Not everybody thinks the way that you do. In fact, many people do not think the same exact way about anything at all. Doesn’t mean that one person is right and the other person is wrong. Use your words. There are no mind readers.
• Pull yourself together. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and having emotions but when you get hysterical and frantic you are scaring everybody away. Gather yourself before making any decisions…and probably before opening your mouth.
• Don’t beg anybody to stay with you under any circumstances. Do not try to convince them that you can make it work and get along. Your person might pity you in the moment but later on you will not be respected as a confident, independent individual. You will regret making yourself look pathetic. Have some confidence and know. Your. Worth. If you are truly a great companion, you wait for the right person that will appreciate that even if it takes years. Under no circumstance should you beg anybody to stay in your life that wants to leave.
• People are attracted to confidence. You can show your feelings for someone without looking desperate and clingy. You can want someone, but you need to not need them. You need your own identity. I once heard in a song, “it don’t matter if you love a man and you holdin’ him down, cause once he find out you got nothing better to do except him, he won’t be around” and those are some unexpected wise words. Keep some hobbies and some friends and some time JUST FOR YOU. Be your own person and like who that person is.
• If your partner says something more than once, REALLY listen. Figure out what they’re trying to say. Figure out what exactly it is that they want. Not doing this causes resentment. Aaaand that’s scary because you can be irreparably destroying your relationship while you’re not even paying attention. If they are constantly saying, “I just really miss you”, plan a day or a weekend and have some quality time. If they’re saying, “I get nervous when you go out to the bars”, then gah damn is it that hard to be a little extra sweet to them and send a few extra texts that show them they have nothing to worry about? Unless, there is something to worry about; in that case you need to do them a favor and exit the relationship immediately.
• Be clear about what you feel but be even clearer about how to fix the issue. Constantly saying “I’m mad because…” is not nearly as effective as “I would really like it if you…”.
• People might not always tell you the truth when it comes to how they feel about you but they will show you. Actions are everything. LISTEN. Or in this case, WATCH.
• When you get to the point where you don’t enjoy talking to the other person, you don’t want to text back half the time, you’re usually sighing or rolling your eyes when they speak, you’re not happy when you’re with them, and/or you think about how you’d like to be with somebody else, IT’S TIME TO GO. Cut the rope, rip the Band-Aid off, fin.
• Just because you love somebody does not mean that you are obligated to stay and wait for them to treat you lovingly if they aren’t doing so. If you’ve expressed the problem and there’s no compromise or effort being made, you have every right to (and should) leave. People think that love is staying through ALL the hardships but if you’re being taken advantage of, that does not apply.
• If your significant other has been treating you poorly for an extended amount of time and they still won’t change despite your efforts, it is because you are letting them. Demand to be treated the right way, or leave. It is one of the most difficult things you will do in life, but also one of the most rewarding.

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