November has always been one of my least favorite months. For some reason it has always been met with a feeling of melancholy and I’ve never really tried to figure out why that is. I’ve always been “too busy” to spend lots of time dwelling on it. Instead, I wanted to try and brighten it some. That’s a typical habit of mine. I’m known to look for the silver lining in everything and if I can’t find one, I make one. So, when I felt a tinge of inspiration after I was browsing on Pinterest, I decided to follow my instinct. I came across a challenge from textmyjournal.com to list something each day that I’m thankful for using their prompts. I’m going to try my best to post a little something I’m grateful for every single day this month. Since it’s day 1, I’m going to go ahead and start with the first, a moment of inspiration that I am thankful for: the moment I discovered my worth.
This moment is still somewhat recent. I had been struggling under the weight of a draining relationship for almost 2 years. Roller coasters of inconsistency and instability had started to become an unhealthy norm for me. I can’t explain the exact moment that I had the epiphany I am so thankful for today. I don’t know what I was in the middle of doing or what time it was when I was flooded with this inspiration. All I can tell you is that I know it changed my life.
I remember the most intense feeling of empowerment. Of strength. I don’t think there was a specific defining moment. It just, sort of, hit me. It dawned on me. I’m a great partner. A great person, I remember thinking. I had been constantly critical of myself because I’ve been motivated for as long as I can remember to never stop improving, to always strive for perfection. For decades I had forgotten how to be kind to myself. My shy and modest personality trained me to believe that being humble is synonymous with incessantly devaluing myself and my qualities.
I’m thankful for randomly having such an awakening. Since then, I have felt more peace than ever. My relationships with people have drastically changed. Now, the only people I allow into my life are those that treat me the way I deserve. I don’t give the time of day to any human that speaks to me with anything less than respect. I no longer fear being alone because I understand how being alone is a blessing to myself. Being alone means that I’m not settling and that one day I’m going to be with someone truly deserving of me but also someone that I truly am deserving of. My free time is filled with love and not worrying about or chasing those that take for granted the great things about me.
I’m definitely not condoning having an arrogant personality. There is a fine line between being confident and being conceited. However, never stop trying to find that sense of power. That sense of never needing to apologize when someone doesn’t accept what you have to offer. When you feel this strength it truly changes you. Once you feel it, never again will you shed tears due to rejection. It’s okay to admit out loud to other people that some people just don’t deserve you. It’s okay to confess that you bring a lot to the table. There is nothing wrong with knowing that even though you’re obviously not perfect, that you’re still an asset.
I’m thankful for that single moment because if it hadn’t happened, I might still be involved in toxic situations. I might not have ever been able to take control of my life. I have no idea if I would have ever found the light at the end of the tunnel.